to be rather out of humor at the tardiness of my payments. I must make the most strenuous efforts to reduce my accounts in that quarter. I feel acutely the humiliation of debt, and must struggle to extricate myself; at the same time, should not feel so sorely the displeasure of man. If my grand principle was to please God rather than man, it would be a far better security for doing what was just, and at the same time alleviate all that misery which I am so apt to feel when another betrays offense or resentment against me. Upon examination, I believe that vanity lies at the bottom of this exquisite susceptibility to the displeasure of an acquaintance. It is only when the displeasure is expressed in such a way as to imply disrespect, that I feel it so exquisitely. In the mean time, let it be my great aim to emancipate myself from the galling dependence of pecuniary embarrassments.

May 10th.-In my conversations with the clergy, there are two points of jealousy to which I must direct all the vigilance of moral and religious principle: 1. Guard against that vanity which courts a compliment, or is fed by it. 2. Guard against that laxity of sentiment which appears under the disguise of moderation, and if indulged, might land you in a total indifference to every thing serious.

·May 11th.-Left Fincraigs in a chaise for St. Andrew's. Reached Anster at night. Found Lucy in an alarming way. She goes to Dunkeld with Mr. and Mrs. Carstairs.*

Re

Sunday, May 13th.-Attended church here, and heard Mr. Wilson. I must regard attention and reverence there as a solemn and important part of religious discipline. tired to my room for two hours between tea and supper, and tasted the delights of piety. While I am here, let me read some portion of divinity to my father every Sunday evening. Sandy has made no progress this day; and poor Lucy's illness, I fear, will prove fatal.

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Gracious Father, establish my heart with the duties and

*The Rev. Mr. Carstairs was minister of West Anstruther.

H*

the comforts of religion; and in this interval of suspense and imperfect health, may the wholesome principles of Christianity gain an habitual and confirmed authority over my temper, and feelings, and behavior.

May 15th.-Settled matters with Mr. Ballardie's legatees, and have to record, for my encouragement and direction in all future cases, that a steady, unyielding determination to carry through what is your right and your justice is far less formidable in the act than in the anticipation.

"May 16th.—There is one thing for which I implore the assistance of Heaven. I feel movements of impatience with my kind and venerable father. Oh, let my manner to him be calculated to soothe him, and render him happy. I am now getting embroiled with business and company. Father in heaven! be my guide and my guardian; and in the whole of my conduct may I evince the power and the excellence of Christian principle. I told a story in which the ludicrous was blended with religion. Let this, on all occasions, be avoided.

May 18th.-Rode to St. Andrew's with Lucy. Made a good many calls there, and feel a growing indifference to University preferment. This I regret not.

May 19th.-Walked to Pittenweem, and got the sederunt book on Dr. Reid's affairs. Mean to examine it very particularly, and to maintain an inflexible purpose of doing justice to the concern, in spite of all the delicacies and ob

structions.

"May 22d.-Had a most irksome and fatiguing business with my father in settling the accounts of Mr. Ballardie's trust, this forenoon. I thank Heaven for the degree of patience with which I supported it, though, at the same time, it was far short of that perfection which I never should lose sight of, and which it should be the constant aim of my life to aspire after. May the Father of all mercies enlighten me with His Spirit, and settle in my bosom the perpetual sunshine of faith and a good conscience.

..

·May 25th.—I am alarmed at the small and uncertain progress of religious principle in my mind. O God! may

the power of Thy Son's atonement be to me the effectual instrument both of comfort and of righteousness.

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May 27th.-Heard Mr. Stewart, from Kingsbarns. I still feel a great shortcoming from that reverence and constant attention which should ever accompany me into the house of God. O Lord, may this fear be perpetually upon me. Read to my father, and found, in the sense of having accomplished a duty, a restoration to cheerfulness and complacency. Spent some hours alone in my apartment, and have to bless God for the holy peacefulness which I often feel in the sweetness and solitude of a Sabbath evening.

May 28th.-Walked with Mr. Duncan of Kilrenny. Miss Anne Taylor and Miss Wilson drank tea with us. Supped in Mr. Willis's with a small party. In the engage

ments of the world, let me never lose sight of its vanity; let eternity be ever present to my feelings, and may I walk through the journey of life with my eye fixed on its end. Called on Mr. Johnston of Rennyhill this afternoon. 1 drank tea with Mr. Duncan. Had a conversation with my father on religious matters, and must study to impress him with the idea of my soundness and sincerity, of which he is rather skeptical.

bee.

Sunday, June 3d.-Preached in the afternoon at Carn

'June 4th.-Walked from Carnbee to Anster. Drank the king's health with the town's people, and on occasion gave way to levity of conversation. Supped in Dr. Goodsir's. In all the bustle of this world's variety, may I never forget communion with God and with my own conscience; may I carry in my mind a perpetual reference to religion; may I maintain vigilance, and humility, and self-denial; may every day witness my rising progress in the virtues and accomplishments of the gospel; and may principle maintain its vigor and its ascendency over me. For these purposes,

I

invoke the aid of that blessed Spirit, to whom I ascribe all power and all righteousness.

"June 5th.-Poor in an alarming state this forenoon. My father's interference was in the highest degree tender and overpowering. I feel all the heaviness of this dispensation, and implore the kindness of all-good Providence to alleviate and avert it. O God, may all this send home to our feelings the vanity of time; and may the prayers of a broken spirit, for consolation and acceptance, find grace in Thy sight. Pardon my sins, and guide me by Thy blessed Spirit to comfort, and hope, and improvement in righteous

ness.

June 6th. a good deal better this day; yet I felt myself so enfeebled by the weight of anxiety about her, as to be incapable of going through my regular exercises. The virtue of sufferance a highly necessary accomplishment in this world of affliction. Though I feel a reluctance to effort, yet it is better that I should make the attempt.

"June 7th.-Rode in a gig to Crail, Fifeness, and Kingsbarns. Dined with Mr. Bell, and enjoyed all the luxury of feeling which is inspired by the view of a respectable man at the head of an interesting family.

"June 8th.-Let me raise my apprehensions to the grandeur of eternity, and keep aloof from the vortex of earthly passion, and the vanities of an instant.

"June 9th.-From the fatigues of yesterday I was unable to go through my usual exercise of composition this forenoon.

Sunday, June 10th.-Heard Mr. Wilson. I this evening finished the poem of Paradise Lost.

"June 16th. In this excursion I learn the unformed and inefficient state of my religious principles, and in the quietness of retirement I pray for more vigilance, more anxiety about my great and essential interest, more constant and habitual recurrence of my attention to the grand concerns of eternity, more indifference to the objects of time, and more

steady and determined resistance to the danger of its temptations. O God, accept my humility, my remorse, my sincere faith in the atonement of the gospel, and my anxious supplication that, in my progress through the world, I may evince the power and the excellence of religious principle.

Sunday, June 17th.-This is a most important but discouraging day. . . . . . In place of that piety which the Sabbath evening generally brought along with it, I feel a total estrangement of mind from God, and a dread of approaching the offended purity of His nature.

Monday, June 18th.-This morning rose in great disquietude, and with a total incapacity for exertion. . . . . . Let me feel the littleness of the world's opinion. Let my sole aim be the greatness, and elevation, and purity of gospel principles. Let me possess my spirit in patience, and, by a determined recurrence to useful and regular employment, let me evidence the power and magnanimity of religion. This I write in the middle of the day. I pray God that I may have to report the success of my resolution in the evening. I am in His hands; I implore the assistance of His Spirit; and to Him I ascribe all the glory and all the triumph. . Must trust to time and repose for the restoration of my peace. Am still in great disquietude. Let my motto be—' Faint, yet pursuing.' If, after this day, I soon write a register of a bright complexion, let me never despair afterward under any visitation of the world's calamity. O God, shine on me with Thy grace; pity and console me.

.....

“June 19th.—Still incapable of employment, though the turbulence of my feeling begins to subside. Have determined to return to Fincraigs. Find for these few days a grievous relapse from the steadiness of principle. O God, give me the spirit of prayer and the spirit of watching. Work in me to will and to do. Recall me to the delights of piety, and, both in the conception of every good purpose, and in the successful execution of it, may I give Thy blessed Spirit all the praise and all the glory.